I met my best friend in China at 2 AM in a 7-Eleven, crying over a broken umbrella.
This is the story of how I met Sarah.It was my second month in Shanghai. A typhoon was hitting the city. I was walking home from a bar in the French Concession at 1:30 AM.
My umbrella broke. The wind turned it inside out. I threw it in a trash can and stood under a tiny awning, soaked, miserable, and wondering why I'd moved to China.
A woman ran into the same awning. Also soaked. Also umbrella-less.
We looked at each other.
"Fuck this weather," she said, in a thick Scottish accent.
I laughed.
We ran together to the nearest 7-Eleven. Bought two ¥10 umbrellas that broke within 5 minutes. Bought two more. Those survived.
Then we sat on the floor of the 7-Eleven (there were no chairs), eating instant noodles and instant coffee at 2:15 AM, while the typhoon raged outside.
She told me her story:
She'd moved to Shanghai 6 months earlier for her husband's job. He worked 70-hour weeks. She didn't speak Chinese. She hadn't made a single friend.
She was lonely. Not "I miss home" lonely. The deep kind. The "I don't know why I'm here" kind.
I told her I'd been in China for 2 months and my only social interactions were with delivery drivers and my apartment security guard.
We exchanged WeChat contacts.
That was 3 years ago.
Sarah is now my best friend in China. We have a weekly dumpling ritual. We've traveled to Sichuan together. She's the first person I call when something goes wrong.
The lesson:
Making friends as an adult in a foreign country is hard. Really hard. Harder than the language barrier. Harder than the food. Harder than the bureaucracy.
But it happens. Usually when you're not expecting it. Usually when you're at your lowest.
How to actually make friends in China:
1. Accept that it's awkward.
Walking into a room where you know nobody is terrifying. Do it anyway.
2. Join things that aren't "expat socials."
Expat meetups are fine but they're full of people who are also lonely and desperate. Join a running club. A climbing gym. A yoga class. A board game night. An art workshop. Shared interests > shared nationality.
3. Say yes to everything for the first 3 months.
Every invitation. Every "we should grab coffee." Every random WeChat group add. You can start saying no later.
4. Be the organizer.
Don't wait to be invited. Create a group chat. Suggest a dinner. Plan a weekend trip. People are busy. If you don't organize, nothing happens.
5. Make Chinese friends too.
Expat friends are essential for venting. Chinese friends are essential for understanding. You need both.
6. It takes 6 months.
The first 6 months are the loneliest. Then something clicks. You have 3-4 solid people. You have routines. You belong.
7. Stay in touch with home — but not too much.
Video calls with family are lifelines. But if you're calling home every day, you're not building a life here.
Where to find people:
• Language exchanges: Free, weekly, everywhere.
• Sports clubs: Hash House Harriers, yoga studios, martial arts.
• Creative communities: Art studios, writing groups, music jams.
• Coworking spaces: Even if you don't work there, many host events.
• Volunteering: Animal shelters, community centers.
• WeChat groups: Ask anyone to add you to social groups.
Sarah, last week, at our 3-year anniversary dumpling dinner: "Remember when we met in that 7-Eleven during a typhoon?"
Me: "You were crying over an umbrella."
Sarah: "I wasn't crying over the umbrella."
If you're in China and you're lonely right now:
It's normal. It passes. Go to a 7-Eleven at 2 AM. Buy a terrible umbrella. Talk to a stranger.
Or just message me. I'm here.
What's your "how I met my China friend" story?
Page:
[1]